The tax of masking
You learnt somewhere, sometime ago to appear to be keeping up, or like many, not keeping up but excelling. You learnt to excel at everything you did. Then came motherhood and you continued to show the world you were doing a great job and you’d try harder each day to be the best you could. This likely came to a point where you could no longer keep up this effort or the masking.
It’s never been about lack of effort for you, it’s been quite the opposite. Effort is what you’ve done your whole life. If there was a ‘how to effort’ guide, you could have written it.
So what happened when you became aware of your effort and you realised just how tired of it you were? You no doubt realised you couldn’t continue this way and experienced some burnout along the way. Autistic burnout is common and affects people in different ways.
Once you had kids the ability to maintain organisation, order and control probably went right out the window. This likely left you feeling out of control and while most people don’t like feeling out of control it can be even more intense for neurodivergent people. This feeling may be activating your nervous system on a daily basis, leaving you feeling unsafe and on edge.
These are really common experiences for neurodivergent mums.
The thing about family life with kids is, it brings uncertainty. A lot. A schedule, a routine, can be thrown out the window in the blink of an eye. You’re not getting the things done you want, attending to your mental and physical health needs- gone. You’re at the hands of the small people who need you. You want to be there for them but you find yourself unsettled by changes, pivots and unplanned transitions. You can’t execute the things you planned to and it feels clunky and messy.
Soldiering on and pushing through leads to burnout, another reason unmasking is an important step towards living a balanced life (most of the time, nothing’s perfect!)
So, what next? It’s a process but unmasking and starting to share your experience openly and honestly in safe spaces can help to gradually remove the level of masking you’ve likely been using for a long time.
Watch this space for more tips on un-masking for women!